In horse training, it’s easy to confuse being firm with being mean, especially when we're just starting out. Many of us mess it up in the beginning—we push too hard, act too fast, and sometimes end up being too harsh without meaning to. When we see others do this, we feel horrible. Unfortunately, and fortunately, that’s normal, and it’s part of the learning process. But there’s a difference between being firm and being mean, and it’s important to find that balance.

Firmness is necessary, at times. Horses need clear direction and boundaries to understand how to see us during safety situations. Being firm means standing your ground and sticking to your expectations about what a horse can do when everything gets scary. For instance, "Don't trample me!" But it doesn’t mean using aggression or frustration. You can be firm without losing kindness. When you do that, you show the horse leadership, but without fear.

The key is knowing when to apply pressure and when to back off. Horses respond best to calm, confident guidance. Especially when learning a new skill. When we’re too mean when teaching, we damage trust. But when we’re firm and fair, they learn to respect us and even appreciate the clear direction, especially, if followed with rewards.

So, here's something to consider... being firm in safety situations can look mean but may be necessary. A good trainer learns how to apply firmness in ways that don't show frustration or meanness. Good trainers always follow firmness with equalized rewards. It's about fairness, not firmness. It's about the relationship, not the result.

Thanks for reading. Don
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