Recently, a dear friend of mine attending a horse event, only to be berated by the event coordinator—told her horse was horrible and that she never should have come.

Clearly, she was being treated poorly—and unnecessarily. She was so shocked by the intensity of the woman standing in front of her that she froze and simply absorbed the drama in one big, awful dose.

Now she’s questioning whether she even wants to continue the sport. Who can blame her? Nobody signs up for that kind of treatment.

The way I see it, she has three forward-moving options:

1. Quit doing what she loves just to avoid people like that.

2. Return, but play small—walk on eggshells trying not to upset anyone.

3. Return and establish herself as a calm, confident leader—ready if anyone ever tries the same trick again.


Which one would you choose? What’s your instinct?

Ideally, she’ll go with option 3. But that’s easier said than done. Option 3 requires dynamic leadership, and leadership requires mental preparation.

That’s the key here: mental preparation.

Fortunately, early in my training career, I was introduced to a handful of preparation experts. One famous model for mental preparation is role playing.

Anyone who says “just do it” hasn’t felt the anxiety of an upcoming event where drama-dumping dummies might show up. So, role playing becomes especially useful.

Role playing means imagining the same kind of situation but intentionally varying your response to it. You can play it out on paper or with a trusted friend. But not playing it out—going in cold and hoping it won’t happen again—is a bad idea.

Get involved with your own brainpower. Prepare yourself for the next encounter so thoroughly that you’re free of anxiety. Chances are, you won’t be a target again. But if you are, you’ll be ready.

Years ago, a life coach asked me to role-play my worst social fear: standing in front of an audience while someone in the crowd tries to destroy my character with a personal attack and a berating tone.

The goal was to practice countering the drama with clarity, kindness, and conviction—evaporating the negativity in the room and continuing without missing a beat.

Stand-up comics do this all the time to handle hecklers. There’s no one perfect way to practice, but the point is: practice. Prepare until you’re emotionally resilient—just in case the drama returns.

Option 3 is ideal because it allows her to keep doing what she loves and to feel empowered in the face of future conflict. She won’t be shrinking or running—she’ll be rising.

If you’ve ever dealt with drama-dumping people, these same strategies will work for you too.

Good luck out there, my fine feathered friends.

P.S. Why do people dump their drama on others?

Mostly, it’s because of something dramatic in their life that they haven’t processed. They look for a target to spill it onto. Thinking about it that way can give us empathy.

But don’t forget: empathy without boundaries sets you up for failure. That’s poor preparation.

​Instead, practice both: boundaries and empathy. That’s where the best results live.